The thought came to me the other day when I checked on my child in the bathroom. She was upset as she was flushing the toilet so I picked her up only to find two little turds on the tile floor at her feet. As I used a wipe to clean out the squished poop between her toes (she had stepped in it), I thought to myself – man, I am doing this all wrong!

OK…let’s be clear – this post is for giggles! If you’re not the type for a good laugh about parenting, you’re in the wrong place.

I had a great bible study with some friends recently about image. Social media portrays a certain image of all sorts of things, but I’m specifically thinking of motherhood. So often you see things about doing something the “right way”.

Well, I’m hear to tell you that everything I’ve done to potty train my 2 year old is the WRONG way. So, I’m laying it all out for you in this post in hopes to help you avoid the error. But, I also just want a good laugh out of you – and I hope you’re able to get it! 🙂

Are you ready?? Make note – the outlined points are what NOT to do!

Also, I’ve done all of these.

1. Be sure to potty train your child at the same age you potty trained all your other children.

My oldest girls potty trained quickly. No clue what I did, but it was magical. When my third daughter approached the same age, I felt obligated to start! So, I did. After spending the majority of my time on the bathroom floor and getting absolutely nothing done around the house, I was over it.

Let me just tell you, there is no right age. Your kid is ready when your kid is ready. Unfortunately, we don’t get the memo on when that is!

I want to also add that I was 7-8 months pregnant while attempting this. I was like a giant cow getting up and down on the tile floor. I huffed and puffed for a few days and called it quits! Potty training attempt #1 failed.

2. Put them in underwear right away.

Have you ever heard that? The underwear will teach them what being wet feels like, or so they say. Well, my child would come waddling to me saying “wet, wet”. So, I guess that’s a plus – she knew “wet”! Here’s the thing, I didn’t know where the accident happened.

I spent many days on all fours rubbing my hands and nose in the carpet trying to figure out where the pee puddle was. As your hand swipes through the carpet and hits that squishy, wet spot, you’re happy to find it but disgusted at the same`time. It wasn’t pleasant.

Was there a time I didn’t find a wet spot? Yes, yes there was. What did I do to finally find it, you ask? Absolutely nothing. I’m sure it’s dried up by now (gross)….So, maybe wait a bit before trying the underwear trick.

The same goes for no underwear. There’s no pretty way to say this, but you’ll be picking up a pile of poop on your floor – no doubt.

3. When the timer goes off to take your child to the bathroom, go ahead and wait a few minutes more.

I am always in the middle of something when the timer goes off. Surely a couple minutes wouldn’t hurt…wrong. Those minutes do hurt, and you will pay – See #2.

The timer is your friend. Trust it.

4. Leave the child alone on the potty so you’re not a distraction.

This caused multiple issues, as you can imagine. Sometimes the child slides off after going but doesn’t wipe well and a mess gets all over the seat. Next, the child places her hands in said mess to say a sweet “bye bye” as her potty is flushed. Now, we’ve got a full on germ situation.

Let me also say that you may be picking up poop on the tile NEXT to the toilet. (Did you read the intro? True story.) Your child will not stay on that seat while unsupervised.

5. Use the pull-up to your advantage.

When your child wakes up in the morning, after nap, or even before bed, just leave the pull up on. Who cares if it’s on a little longer than it should be? You’ll throw it away and start again. (Guilty.)

6. Be inconsistent.

It was a sunny afternoon. My 2 year old was waking up from her nap and started talking in her crib. I decided to leave her in there for a bit so she’d have some time to warm up and be in a chipper mood. (I was also probably watching a really good show or something and it wasn’t quite over!)

Anyway, she starts talking to herself, but after a minute or two it starts to get much louder. I ignore it at first (mistake) and finally decide it’s time to let her get up. As I walked into her room, it was like I was punched in the face by a giant stink bomb.

The initial smell was a shock, but the sight I saw next was absolutely nauseating. My child had removed her diaper and pooped in her crib. That’s not all. She then decided to do some sort of painting along the crib rails with her hands and feet, using that pile of poop. There was poop everywhere. She was crying…I was crying….

There is no stain removing secret for something like this. Throw it AWAY!

I blame this on my inconsistency. She was thoroughly confused by my laziness and lack of motivation. She figured why not teach me a lesson? Lesson learned.

7. Give your child a delicious drink to make sure they need to go.

I did this…once.

After cleaning about 9 accidents in 45 minutes, I decided that this tip wasn’t for us! We never even made it to the timer going off. It was a constant flow and a big fail.

Let’s be honest, you have to fully commit to potty training.

That’s really where I struggle. It’s hard balancing it all, and sometimes I don’t have the energy. However, if you’re not fully invested in it, it won’t go well. I’ve learned this the hard way. I have tried to potty train my child 3-4 times now, and we are still working on it. This time I’m in it to win it – fingers crossed!

I will say that she can communicate with me better and she is a lot more verbal than when I first tried it. It’s helping! So, if you give it a shot with your own child and it doesn’t work…try again later! I can’t tell you when the “right” time is, but I can tell you that eventually it will all come together.

So as I continue to wipe up pee and pick up poop on my floors, I hope you have been able to take a breath and know it’s OK if it’s not working right away for you and your child.

You’re not alone, my friend.

Now I have to know your funny potty training stories. I know you have them. Leave them in the comments or shoot me an email. Let’s get a good laugh together.